Thursday, September 5, 2013

Baby Momma Talks in Her Sleep, Pt. 3

Just like in Part 1 and Part 2, Cerise talks in her sleep and I record what she says. As mentioned before, these aren't supposed to be clever or funny. They're just things she has said in her sleep.

"Nazis. Just going through everyday stuff and trying to convince them with the bikes so we don't have to have them in the apartment." 
July 17, 2012

C:  And when you're feeling lonely... (humming unrecognizable song). It came out recently. There's a country part to it.
L:  It sounds familiar, but I can't recognize the lyrics...
C:  I know what you're doing. I'm not dead.
July 19, 2012

"The fact that he thought of a compass first means that he's thinking of work." 
August 3, 2012

Cerise, not sleeping, excited about birthday parties.

"If I had an ipod I would turn it up. Remember that thing I showed you? Like if someone was grunting at the gym?" 
August 6, 2012

"We don't know any of the families from Elisabeth and Jaren's ward. Like when they did the sail thing. It was more expensive in the ward than they expected." 
August 7, 2012

C: I'm not doing extensions.
L: You're not?
C: Yeah, hair extensions. I'm not doing them. That was the deal.
August 31, 2012

"Maybe the end of a teen's war attachment?"
October 1, 2012

Cerise, not sleeping, looking at stars with Yoshibaby.

"Thankful for Calvin. Thankful for our jobs and hair." 

October 9, 2012  (Cerise's sleepy prayer)

"That's exactly why you say no." 

October 16, 2012

C: I think we got our luggage right about now and it's got the big boxes.

L: Luggage? Where are you going?
C: Honey, you just want me to say something stupid so you can write about it.
October 16, 2012

Cerise fell asleep after teaching swim lessons. The kids definitely noticed. (Cerise asleep, top left)

C:  (Mumbling) She did quite the job.

L: Huh?
C: I said she did quite the job.
L: She did quite the job? 
C: Mm hmm.
L:  Who did quite the job?
C: Doctor.
L: Oh really. What kind of job did she do?
C: I dunno, we'll see whether it's a good job or not. I mean it just depends on how everything goes with this scar and traveling.
December 2, 2012

I had my phone handy to record the actual audio for the one directly above. I wish I had more. 

"Yeeeeeah. Feeeelers. Feeler mcfeelster. They're feelers."
December 22, 2012

"The McCubbins saw the deal."

December 23, 2012 (McCubbins are friends in our ward)

"What am I supposed to do?"

January 30, 2013

"Why cant you live normally, honey? You're up in the middle of the night packaging Calvin's escape food."

January 30, 2013

Cerise falls asleep doing Sudoku all the time. One of my husband duties is
to unclick her pen and take it away before we get blue ink all over the sheets.

"What are you going to name the kid?" 

March 2, 2013

"The water's sleeping in my crib, but not for long." 

March 7, 2013

"Can you turn off the light?" 

March 20, 2013 (All the lights were off)

C:  You didnt bring the welcome sign. 

L:   Where? 
C:  Gramma and grampa's. 
L:   What is it for? 
C:  To make people feel welcome.
April 18, 2013

Sometimes Cerise will start falling asleep while standing up.
Calvin also sometimes starts falling asleep standing up.

"Ooooh Sugoi!" 

August 17, 2013 (Means "Wow, amazing!" in Japanese)

"There's something I'm really paranoid about. What was that thing I'm really paranoid about?"

August 17, 2013

"I just want to fix it." 

August 29, 2013

"Weird. For some reason we're definitely falling off the couch."

August 30, 2013

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

25 Things About a 25 Year Old Babe

Today is Cerise's 25th birthday and I was lucky enough to score her. Here are a few things about my best friend.

1.       Cerise is a babe.
Cerise 5 months pregnant with Calvin. We were walking around in Newport and she wouldn't really let me take pictures of her. So as she was climbing down some rocks I yelled "CERISE" and she turned around and I snapped this. It either looks like she had been posing for like 18 seconds or she is calmly holding a boulder with her right hand. Surprisingly enough, neither of those were the case.

2.       Cerise loves Japanese and Korean dramas. (These are not like the infamous Telenovelas. These “dramas” are like 16 hour long silly, juvenile American romantic comedies. It’s a big deal if the main couple kisses. Like I said, these are not like Telenovelas.)

3.       This.
Cerise is the least lazy person that I know which makes this so much funnier to me. The other day I asked Cerise, "Honey, how many times do you think you've put the roll on the dispenser since we got married?" She thought for a second and said, honestly, "Probably 7 or 8 times." We've been married 4 and a half years.

4.       Cerise can make some mean Japanese food.

5.       Cerise craves Kimchee Chigae (Kimchee Soup) when she is pregnant.

6.       Cerise demands my Orange Julius almost on a daily basis when she is pregnant.

7.       Cerise makes me amazing lunches and packs them in the same lunch containers used by 9 year old Japanese school girls. Not complaining.

Ants on a log, hold the ants. Asian style sweet potatoes. Chicken salad with cucumbers cut into star shapes.

8.      Cerise is really bad with faces and names. She also cannot recognize someone if their facial hair has changed at all. One of her clients who she dealt with weekly for two years shaved his mustache. Cerise had no idea who he was when he came in without the mustache.

9.       Cerise has a “Rainman” –like ability to remember what people wear. She might not remember your face, but she will remember what kind of stilettos you wore three years ago.

10.   Cerise forgives and forgets. She empties her “cache” of grievances on a daily basis. She literally forgets that I was being a complete idiot the day before. This is absolutely cash money.

11.    Cerise has a 10 year plan and she updates it every 6 months.

12.    Cerise hides Nutella from me sometimes ( get a “head start”).
One time, she hid the Nutella out in the open. I reached to grab the new container to open it up and she said, "Hey, let's leave it unopened for a while." In the meantime, she had opened the container and was eating just the middle part so the sides of the container looked like there was Nutella all the way up. I laughed uncontrollably when I discovered her dirty little secret. In her defense, there have been countless times when I finished off ice cream or Oh's cereal without telling her.

13.    Cerise could eat just rolls and pizza crusts the rest of her life and be completely happy.
       She wishes I were one of those people who doesn’t eat the crust.

14.  Cerise does not hold grudges. She has made it one of her life goals to not hold any grudges and she doesn't. The last grudge she held was when a girl in middle school made fun of Cerise's outfit in front of a large group of people since Cerise was on a low "school clothes" budget (she bought all of her own school clothes since she was one of 8 kids in a military family). Keep in mind this girl had divorced parents and played them both to get thousands of dollars of clothes. The girl had a point though. Black AND maroon at the same time? Come on, Cerise.

15.    Cerise's biggest pet peeve is when someone tries to psychoanalyze her. 

16.     Cerise talks in her sleep a lot. As you can see here and here.
Cerise sleeping on a train in Japan.

Cerise 75% asleep on a train in Japan.

17.    Cerise loves Sudoku. Sudoku even helps her when she’s in labor.

18.    Cerise loves Christmas and wears Christmas socks year round.
Cerise wearing Christmas socks in September 2009.

19.    Cerise doesn’t even notice sometimes that people are hitting on her. One time Cerise and I caravanned (not carpooled, we just drove close to each other on the freeway) to work since we worked like 2 miles away from each other and she got off 5 hours before me. So these dudes in a work truck were driving next to her and yelling to get the attention of my 5 month pregnant wife. She didn’t even notice they were there. They kept yelling and I drove up next to those guys and started yelling at them. Not my proudest moment. They said, “What’s your problem? Is that your wife or something? (Sarcastically)” I said, “Yes, it is my wife. (Swear words) and I'm going to call your company.” They started swerving in and around traffic to get away from me thinking that I was going to write down the number on the back of their work truck and report them to their company. The best part is that Cerise had absolutely no idea that any of this happened until I told her.

20.   Cerise had a stalker at work and didn’t tell me for a while. The dude had a stiletto fetish and would ask if he could borrow Cerise’s stiletto to fix his bike gears. Every day. She started wearing flats to work and I dropped her off at work and picked her up until the guy stopped.

21.    Cerise knows where my stuff, her stuff, and the kids’ stuff is. I don’t even know where my stuff is. 
      A conversation similar to this happens in our marriage almost daily: 
      Lynn: "Hey honey, have you seen the USB cord for my camera?" 
      Cerise: "Yes, if you look in Calvin's closet in the cardboard box labeled 'Bedroom/Computer - Misc.' under Calvin's old jumper then you should see the old colorful backpack you bought in Korea. The USB cord is under the backpack in a little baggy with the charger from our old laptop and a bunch of other cords."

22.   Cerise is very organized. Her dream job would be to get paid to organize rich people’s houses for them. When people move, she loves helping them organize.
Some of her organizational strategies:
a)      If you haven’t worn it in the last year, throw it away - no questions asked.
b)      If it’s something that means something to you, but you don’t actually use it... take a picture and save that picture in a “Sentimental” folder on your computer. Then throw that crap away. (It will be easier to see those things anyway since they'll be in an easily accessible folder instead of hidden for years in a box.)
c)       If you feel like you should get rid of something, but you want to keep it... put a bunch of those things in a “Time Capsule” cardboard box, tape it up, and put it under your bed for 6 months. If you don’t remember what is in the box and your life has been just fine without it, throw the whole box away (or take it to Salvation Army) without opening the box.

23.   Cerise only speaks to our kids in Japanese. She's not one of those people who is obsessed with her kids being bilingual. She just really wants our kids to be able to communicate with her Gramma (extent of Gramma's English: "banana" and "are you sleepy?").

24.   Cerise could have stayed at her company and risen the corporate ranks really easily, but she always wanted to be a stay at home mom.

25.   Cerise is an amazing wife and most importantly, an amazing mom.